Saturday, May 21, 2016

1st and 2nd night of Stims

I did it. I gave myself 2 injections last night.

Last night I went to see my friend, Vince, play a show in WV, and then left early to get home before 10:00pm to give myself my first injections. My mom was by my side, but I insisted on doing everything myself.

Currently, I am taking 175 IU of Gonal-f and 75 IU of Menopur. Gonal-f is refrigerated, and can come in the Redi-ject pen, which is a disposable, pre-filled, and ready-to-use. You just dial your dosage, screw on the needle, and inject. Gonal-f (Gonadotropin FSH) is a follicle stimulating hormone that basically makes multiple follicles (cysts containing eggs), and causes multiple eggs to grow to a mature size. The Menopur needs to be reconstituted with sodium chloride solution (sterile water). Then you draw it up in a syringe from the vial and inject it. Menopur has 2 kinds of hormonal activity: FSH (which helps increase egg production, like Gonal-f) and LH activity (which assists with ovulation).

I did the Gonal-f first, because I knew the Menopur was going to sting. I will say that both needles were small and did not really hurt that much going in. The Gonal-f does not sting, but the pen trigger bothers me because I'm not able to watch as the medicine goes in, the way you can with a regular syringe. Mixing the Menopur is an art form, and I had to watch the instructional videos several times. It's really hard to get every drop of medicine out of those vials into the syringe. The Menopur does sting, and it seems to sting more toward the end. It's not unbearable, it's just uncomfortable. 

Left: Look how cute this little Sharps container is!
Right: The Menopur comes with vials of sodium chloride solution you use for reconstitution.
Last night, I felt good after my injections and I was really proud of myself. Today I am feeling a little depressed realizing I'll be doing this everyday (and eventually twice a day) for a couple weeks. I really cannot imagine doing multiple rounds of IVF. There is so much involved!

I think the hardest part, for me, is the isolation. This is a very lonely process, especially with my husband and friends nearly 2,200 miles away. Since we haven't told many people, I can't really post about anything on social media, which is hard. I am one of those people that really thrives on the support and encouragement received from others on social media...and since I can't really talk about my experience, I am relying on the support and encouragement of the few people that know about it...and of course, most everyone is super busy and preoccupied with their own lives, so I don't want to trouble them with my woes.

Right now I really just want to lie on my couch under my favorite blanket, snuggle my Golden Retriever, watch a cheesy Lifetime movie, and cry. Part of me wants to tell everyone, "Hey, this is what I'm doing. Look how brave I am giving myself injections every night. I'm doing this so that maybe we can have a baby. This. Really. Sucks." But I can't. 

So instead, I am trying my best to stay sane...I'm working out as much as I can within the restrictions I've been given. Under doctor's orders, I've eliminated alcohol and caffeine from my diet, and the only painkillers I can take are Extra Strength Tylenol (meaning my normal go-to for headaches, Advil, is out.) 

This is going to be a long couple of weeks...

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