Here We Go Again...

After our negative pregnancy test (7/28/16) and then stopping the Estrogen and Progesterone injections, I got my menses relatively quickly (8/3/16)...but I kept waiting and waiting for it to come again so we could start birth control to prepare for our next FET, and it just wouldn't come. After nearly 60 days, I had the nurse order a no menses panel which included: STAT Estrogen (E2), Progesterone (P4), and HCG (Quantitative) blood tests...so I drove 3 hours to the closest fertility clinic that could fit me in (on 9/23/16)...only to find out later that day that my menses "was on its way" and the doctor felt I should wait instead of inducing. It did end up coming a few days later (on 9/27/16). I was finally able to get my official protocol for our FET (scheduled for 11/10/16).

I started birth control on 10/1/16 and took my last pill on 10/15/16. Two days later, I drove another 3 hours to get my bloodwork done at an outside lab and then went to (yet another) fertility clinic for my baseline ultrasound. Long story short, I found out later that afternoon that the lab I went to did not/was not able to STAT one of my tests, so my nurse/doctor never got the results and didn't call me to tell me if I should begin my Estrogen. I was incredibly frustrated with this situation, as I had only made my appointment with this particular lab after calling first to find out if same-day results were available, and what the price was. (It was significantly cheaper than having it done at the fertility clinic.) Things turned out ok in the end (after multiple calls to the lab as well as the answering service and on-call nurse at my clinic). I started oral Estrace that evening (10/17/16). 

There is currently a nationwide shortage of injectable Estrogen so the doctor switched me to oral Estrace (2mg tablets 2x/day). My next appointment (bloodwork and u/s lining check) are scheduled for 11/5/16. I do have to say that oral Estrace (though I have to take it twice a day, 12 hours apart) is a lot easier than having to do IM injections, since I have to have someone do those injections for me. When/if I start Progesterone after my lining check, I will have to begin daily injections of those. 

My plan for the FET is to fly to my parents' house that Wednesday (11/9/16), do the transfer on 11/10/16, then fly back here on Monday, 11/14/16. I'm hoping that resting for ~3 to 4 days will be enough before I have to go back to work. I am not getting my hopes up for this transfer, specifically because the embryo had to be biopsied twice (thawed and frozen twice), which decreases the chances a little bit...but of course part of me is still hoping (and praying) it will work. I did end up finding an acupuncturist here in town that specializes in fertility, and my first appointment was last Friday (10/14/16). I will go to her another three times and will also do appointments at the place connected to my clinic before and after the transfer.

Trying to manage everything with outside clinics (3 hours away) and my home clinic (which is 3 hours ahead of us) while teaching full-time, has been somewhat of a nightmare. Not only do I have an extra busy semester this fall, but I also made the (crazy?) decision to take on a supplemental position with the business school, which requires an additional 8 hours/week of my time. I have been working 10-11 hour days, 6 days a week...and it's been exhausting. David and I were able to escape to Disneyland two weeks ago for a much needed 4-night, 5-day getaway, and an absolute blast. :)

The second time around, I am hoping my emotions will be less up and down. I am hoping that now that I know what to expect, I will be able to relax more and that I will be able to bounce back more quickly from any disappointment. I am determined that one of these six cycles will eventually work...

The Next Step

Today I met with the doctor to discuss the next steps. At first we discussed doing the FET of the final embryo this December/January while I'm on Winter Break, but after realizing that the chances of pregnancy/implantation are lower (due to the re-biopsy and re-freezing), I asked what he thought about just going into another cycle. He suggested that we do the FET some time in early November, and should that fail, plan to start another cycle in December (with ER in January). With this plan, I will hopefully be able to do another FET during Spring Break (in March) and then go from there.

I felt better after coming up with this plan, because I'll start BC again soon which makes me feel like I'm actually doing something even if it's just syncing up my period to the right date. He didn't really have an answer as to why the FET failed, and said there could have been a number of different things. My uterine lining was at ~8.6mm (and they aim for over 8). He said that with the next FET cycle, he wanted to add in an Estrace suppository in addition to the Del Estrogen and Progesterone linings and aim for 9mm. He also mentioned that there is a uterine lining test that can be done, but he usually doesn't recommend that until multiple failed transfers.

I am still feeling a little down, but am much better than I was. I think the fact that the school year is starting (and that I am not prepared) definitely affected my mood too. I am headed back home tomorrow (with my dad and dog) and will hopefully get back into the groove of things soon. Although I am not looking forward to starting school again, I'm hoping that teaching and working again will help keep me occupied until November!

David and I are also looking into planning a little anniversary vacation somewhere warm! :) 

I Caved.

I was sitting at my desk doing some work for my summer class and I started getting those Aunt Flo cramps. Not only have I been feeling those cramps, but I have had that "heavy" feeling exactly the way I feel when I know my period is coming. My period is due on or around Friday, 7.22.16 (which is in ~2 days). I was so "sure" that they were period cramps that I caved and took a home pregnancy test (HPT). My hands were literally shaking as I tried to unwrap the plastic from the box. Results? Negative.

Right now I am really discouraged and bummed. I know it may be too early to take a pregnancy test or expect to see any sort of positive result (~5dp5dt) but I was hoping to see at least the faintest of lines so that I could stop worrying.

I am mad at myself for caving and taking the dang test, but I'm also just upset at the results and this entire process. I know the road's not over yet, but I just know my period is coming...I can feel it. I know there are many women out there who felt period-like symptoms, had a negative HPT at 5 days post transfer, and went on to have a positive a few days later...but I just can't help but worry that that's not the case for me.

This. Is. Seriously. The. Worst.