This. Is. The. Worst.

The TWW is THE WORST. Throughout this entire process--the countless injections, the numerous visits to the doctor, all the ultrasounds, the daily blood draws, the violating ultrasounds, the bloating and headaches--this is the worst!

I am currently 5dp5dt (5 days post 5-day [embryo] transfer) and I still have 8 days until my beta pregnancy test (7.27.16). I seriously don't know how I will last that long. I have 2 boxes of FRER Pregnancy Tests sitting on the kitchen table, but I am hoping I will somehow make it to the beta without opening them! Perusing all the online forums, so many women begin POAS (peeing on a stick) starting on day 5, although many of them get a negative at such an early stage. I don't know if I have it in me to do it and get a disappointing result. More seem to get (very) faint lines starting on days 7-9. Day 9 (for me) is this Saturday (7.23.16), which is only a day after I should be expecting Aunt Flo, and only 4 days before the beta, so I keep telling myself if I can wait that long, I can wait a few days more. Who knows. I'm literally taking things a day at a time...an hour at a time?

I cannot even begin to describe how ridiculously difficult these first 5 days has been. Right after the transfer, you start noticing, feeling, and being aware of the tiniest things you (and your body) are doing. Am I peeing too hard? Am I putting too much weight in each step as I walk? Should I drink/eat that? Did I stretch myself too much when I was: putting on my seat belt, reaching for the remote, grabbing my phone, petting the dog, using the microwave, tying my shoe, washing my hair, laughing, breathing, sleeping...every movement, every gesture, every thought, you are worried about jeopardizing the implantation of the embryo(s). You're just certain that that one decision you made (drinking something too cold, laughing too hard, putting on your shirt, reaching for that towel, eating that piece of chocolate) has jeopardized the embryo in some way/shape form! It's a nightmare.

IM injection sites: Honestly, the bruising
and pain is nothing compared to the TWW!

Don't even get me started on the hormones! At this stage, I'm taking nightly injections of Progesterone as well as injections of Del Estrogen every 3 nights. (Del Estrogen is an injectable form of estrogen that is given to help thicken the endometrial lining. Progesterone is produced by the ovary after ovulation, and is given to support embryo implantation.) So here you are naturally worrying about the implantation that is supposed to occur over this 2-week period, and your hormones are completely out of wack. Don't forget that if God forbid, you aren't pregnant, then that means you're about to start your period, so you're possibly PMSing...and if you are pregnant, you have all those hormonal changes/imbalances going on too. I was watching an old episode of 16 and Pregnant yesterday where Farrah gave birth, and as soon as the baby was born and the doctor said "Happy Birthday," I burst into tears. 

Every day, night, hour, I am feeling different symptoms that could mean implantation or could mean miscarriage or could mean my period is coming. And unfortunately, after an FET, with all these different things going on, and especially because of the hormone injections, could mean absolutely anything. Also, the Progesterone could prevent a period from coming, so even if you aren't pregnant, and you should be getting your period, you might not, because of the Progesterone.

Normally I can take my mind off things by going to the gym for a couple hours or taking the dog for a walk, but both of these things are a no-no. I can't do my normal stress-reducing workouts and it's too hot during the day to take the dog out (plus he pulls on the leash)...so I am stuck at home watching TV, trying not to eat too much, and constantly perusing message boards (which I need to stop doing).

July 27 cannot come soon enough!

The Transfer

I had my transfer yesterday! My mom and I left the house at around 9:30am, and got to the clinic a little early. I went in for my pre-FET acupuncture appointment at 10:45am. The acupuncture points were a little different than last time. They were on different parts of my limbs and included my inner wrists. After my appointment, my mom and I went to lunch at Panera before I had to empty my bladder and start drinking 20 oz. of water. By this time, I had not gotten a call in the morning saying anything went wrong with the embryo thaw, so I breathed a sigh of relief, assuming that the embryo thawed without complications.

Drinking the 20 oz. of water was no problem, but right before I was called back for my appointment (around 1:45pm) I started feeling the fullness in my bladder. Then my mom and I sat in the room waiting for awhile and it kept getting worse and worse. I should explain that I already have a teeny tiny bladder to begin with...20 oz. of water is a ridiculously large amount of liquid for my little bladder to hold! Before the doctor game in, I absolutely couldn't hold it any longer so I scrambled to put my shorts back on and ran out the door into the nurses about to come into the room! They told me I could relieve myself for a (very fast) count to 10. I counted to 5 and (surprisingly) was able to stop mid-stream. 

Our little embryo! The embryologist gave us the cutest little
card framing a photo of the little nugget!

I went back into the room and they came in to start the transfer. I'll be completely honest. The fullness in my bladder was so incredibly uncomfortable that I don't remember much of the procedure, except that the catheter going into the cervix felt like nothing compared to the U/S tech pressing the wand on my abdomen. The doctor tried to distract me by asking me about my students, and I tried to answer him as best as I can. He showed me my embryo on the screen before the procedure, and then I got to watch as the catheter was threaded through my cervix into the uterus, and then as the embryo was released! There was a clip on the monitor that they replayed several times so I was able to record it on my phone.

After the procedure (which probably didn't take more than 15 minutes total), the doctor told me to stay lying down for 5 minutes, during which a nurse would come in with discharge instructions. I was just about to get up to go to the bathroom (because I couldn't hold it any longer) when the nurse came in...so I (begrudgingly) listened to her as she gave me the instructions. (I told my mom to listen closely since I wouldn't be able to pay much attention!)

After I was finished, I went to my post-FET acupuncture appointment. The points were similar to the first time, except the acupuncturist did not put them in my abdomen and concentrated the heat lamp on my feet (instead of abdomen). After my appointment, I was headed toward the bathroom and almost tripped on my feet. I didn't trip/fall, but just kind of stumbled a little and landed on my left foot harder than I would have liked. Of course I started freaking out because I was worried I dislodged the embryo or moved it or something. In the car on the drive home, I frantically called the office in a panic until a nurse finally got back to me and said the doctor said I would be fine. After we got home, I spent the rest of the afternoon/evening in bed and lounging on the couch. 

Today I took it pretty easy too. I started getting some abdominal cramps during the late afternoon that started on the left side. I took a nap to sleep it off, and when I woke up the cramps had radiated toward the right side as well. I called the on-call nurse who said cramping is normal. She did say I could take Tylenol (not Advil) although it may not help much with cramping. It did seem to help a little though. Then after I ate dinner, I got heartburn. I spoke to another nurse (the one who did my first at-home IM injection for me) and she said I could take TUMS, Pepcid of Zantac as needed and that sometimes cramps and heartburn could be early signs of pregnancy! I don't want to get my hopes up, but that makes me feel a little better.